Fandom Is Evil
by unknownpoison
Summary: A story telling of how Tobi discovers the evils of fandom from the magical and awesome computer, and how Deidara and Itachi get scarred along the way. -Itachi may be somewhat OOC...-


One fine day in one of the many Akatsuki bases, Tobi was surfing the web. Yes, they have a computer. No, Kakuzu isn't happy about it. Anyhow, Tobi was on the internet, as was previously said. He was sitting there doing absolutely nothing. To be truthful, he didn't know how to use the internet; give him a break, he had just found out that his organization even _had _internet.

He decided to take a leap of faith and hope that whatever site he clicked on wouldn't make the computer blow up like Deidara-sempai's clay blew up Itachi's TV. Although, he guessed he would have to actually look up something first.

Tobi decided to look up himself. It seemed like the safest way to test out this so-called Super Highway. He started to type "Uchiha Madara" in the search engine, but then backspaced and simply typed "Tobi". With some hesitation, he clicked search and then immediately switched to the fetal position.

Several results popped up. After making sure he was safe and intact, Tobi scanned them over. One said "Tobi cosplay: Find great prices on a Tobi cosplay outfit today!". That looked interesting. He clicked on it. A picture of an Akatsuki cloak, a ring, sandals, fishnet shirt and pants set appeared on the screen. It all cost one-hundred and thirteen dollars.

"Kakuzu-san!! Can I buy a Tobi cosplay outfit?! It's only 113 dollars!!"

"What?! Are you completely _retarded_?!?!"

Oh, well. Tobi went back to the search results and browsed some more. He saw one that said "TobiDei fanart". The Uchiha tilted his head to one side. TobiDei? What did _that _mean? He decided to check it out.

-

-

-

"Deidara-sempai!!!" Tobi yelled.

Tobi heard the sound of an explosion come from the other end of the base.

"Damn it, Tobi! What do you want, un?!" Deidara yelled.

"Is this position even humanly possible?!"

"…"

"Sempai?!"

"What the hell are you talking about, un?!"

"Come lookie, Senpai!! I found a weird picture!"

Deidara reluctantly came as Tobi had asked him to. He shuffled along until he was within view of the computer screen and the "art" that was on it. His mouth dropped.

"Tobi!!! Don't look at this filth!!!" the blond yelled, shielding Tobi's eye.

"But I've already looked at it…"

"Oh…well, then…" Deidara uncovered his eyes. "Just why exactly _are _you looking at this?...un"

"I wanted to know what TobiDei was."

Deidara shuddered when Tobi voiced their conjoined names. "Well, now you know."

With that said, the former terrorist bomber left the room.

Actually, Tobi still didn't _exactly _know what TobiDei was. He was still a little confused. So, he went back to the search results page like a good curious boy.

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"Deidara-sempai!!!"

With Tobi's yelling, Deidara lost his concentration and accidentally blew up Itachi's room.

"Uh oh…" needless to say, he quickly got the hell out of there and ran to find Tobi.

"What do you want now, un?" he asked with an annoyed tone.

"Why would Deidara-sempai want another head?" Tobi inquired.

"…"

"Sempai?"

"…_What_?"

"It says here that I gave Deidara-sempai a head. Why would Senpai want two heads? He already has three mouths!"

It took a while, but Deidara finally understood what Tobi was talking about.

"Tobi!!! Stop looking at those kind of things!!! They will poison your mind!!!"

"Aahhh!!! I don't like poison!!!"

"Exactly. So don't look at that stuff. It's not even right for two guys to do...well, you know...un"

"No. Do what?"

"…Never mind."

"Well…if it's not right for two guys to do whatever you are talking about, how about this one? Is it okay? In this one Deidara-sempai is a girl." Tobi said, clicking on another story.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

"In this one it says that Deidara-senpai gives _me_ a head…isn't that weird? Why would I want a head? Who's head is it?!"

"I'M NOT A FREAKIN' GIRL!" Deidara yelled with fury.

"I know that." Tobi said matter-of-factly. "I already checked."

"YOU DID _WHAT_?!"

"Why is Sempai mad?! I just looked at your baby pictures!"

Deidara sighed with relief. "Thank goodness, for a second I…wait a minute…"

"What?"

Deidara glared at the masked man. "I don't _have_ any baby pictures...un"

"Huh, that's weird…than who is this?" Tobi asked, holding up a photograph.

"Whoever that is, it isn't me. They have black hair, you moron. And wrinkles!"

"And Sharingan." Tobi added before realizing who it was. "Hey, it's Itachi-san!"

Deidara looked again at the picture. "Well, so it is…YOU MISTOOK THAT WEASEL FOR ME?!"

Tobi was completely ignoring Deidara. "Awww…Itachi-san is so cute!!"

"I'm _WHAT_?" Tobi and Deidara heard an angry voice say.

Tobi and Deidara turned to see a pair of evil red eyes glaring at them. Itachi took a few menacing steps towards them, then noticed the picture Tobi was holding.

"G-Give me that!!" he spat, snatching the photo. "Where did you get this?!"

"I don't remember…" Tobi said. Then Itachi saw the computer.

"Since when do we have a computer?" he asked.

Tobi shrugged. "I just found it today."

Itachi paused for a moment, blinking at the computer. "Eh." he said with a shrug, realizing he didn't really care. He turned to Deidara. "Just to let you know," he told the blond, "you're so dead."

"What?!" Deidara yell, more angered by the threat than frightened. "Why?!"

"You blew up my room!!"

"Oh, right...un"

Itachi drew a kunai and pointed it warningly at Deidara. Deidara flinched but, just then Itachi's cell rang.

The Uchiha sighed, glared at the other Akatsuki member, just daring him to try to escape while he was preoccupied, then finally answered his cell phone.

"Hello?" he said dully.

On the other side of the line a girl squealed loud enough for Tobi and Deidara to hear. Itachi winced.

_"Oh my God!!!"_ the girl screamed. _"Itachi-kun!! I love you!!! MARRY ME!!"_

"Damn you fangirls…" Itachi muttered under his breath. "I DON"T KNOW HOW YOU PEOPLE KEEP GETTING MY NUMBER, BUT STOP CALLING ME!!" he slammed the phone shut.

"What was that about?" Deidara asked with a raised brow.

"Some asshole gave out my cellphone number." Itachi growled. "Fangirls are calling me 24/7!! If I ever find out who did this, I'm gonna kill 'em!!"

"Yeah, fangirls are really annoying...un"

Itachi stared at Deidara for a long time, barely blinking. "How would you know?" he asked finally.

"Hey! I have fangirls!"

"You do?!?!" the weasel replied in fake astonishment. The blond growled.

"Oh well." Itachi went into deep thought, almost completely forgetting Deidara. "Hmm…I know I was doing something important before I was so rudely interrupted, but what was it…? Oh, that's right! I was trying to kill you!"

He gripped his kunai tightly and lunged for Deidara.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!" Deidara screamed, fleeing for his life. Tobi just shrugged and turned back to the computer. On this site called Fanfiction there was a bunch of boxes where you could choose what type of story you were looking for, the characters in the story, etc. Tobi decided to look up a story with Itachi and his Sempai in it. Several results came up.

One of the stories was called Big Boom_. _It looked interesting, and Tobi _did_ love big booms. One of the reasons he idolized Deidara-sempai. He clicked on it and began to read.

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"Itachi-san!!" Tobi called. "If your done killing Deidara-sempai, could you come here?!"

"Damn Deidara and his stupid '_art'_! If I ever see his smug face again, so help me…" Itachi grumbled as he approached the computer where Tobi was sitting.

"What happened to your head, Itachi-san?" Tobi asked, noticing that Itachi's face was burnt and scarred, and his normally perfect hair was now sticking out in all sorts of weird directions.

"One of Deidara's…clay- thingies, whatever they are, blew up in my face. He ran off when I was caught in the explosion."

Tobi chuckled. "That's funny."

"It's NOT funny, Tobi!" Itachi growled, activating his Sharingan.

The orange-masked Uchiha cowered in his seat submissively. "Yes, sir."

"Just tell me what you want."

"What do you think of this story, Itachi-san?" Tobi asked, pointing to the computer screen.

Itachi peered at the screen and read for about five seconds before gasping in horror. He lurched back let out a manly _(not really) _screech and cried, "What the hell, Tobi?! _Why_ would you show me that?! What the…What is _wrong_ with you?! Why would you-"

He suddenly stopped and stared straight ahead at nothing in particular, as if struck by something. Then, he buried his face in his hands, shaking his head backing and forth violently, screaming, "THE IMAGES! THE HORIBLE, HORRIBLE IMAGES!!"

Tobi jumped out of his chair, not really sure what was going on. "Deidara-sempai, I'm scared!!"

* * *

Once Pein found out about the evils within the magical computer, he ordered it to be destroyed- much to Kakuzu's pleasure. Tobi wasn't happy about it, though.

"Sempai!!" he cried in front of the computer's grave _(He demanded that it at least be given a proper burial) _He hugged Deidara tightly as the blonde cringed and tried to pry him off. "Why would they kill the computer, Sempai?! It was my friend!!"

"They didn't kill it, Tobi," Itachi said. "Zetsu just ate it, which is weird since I thought he only ate people…" Itachi meant for his words to be comforting but they only made Tobi cry harder.

"Tobi," Deidara said. "The computer had to be killed. You know those stories and pictures you were looking at on the internet?...un"

Tobi slowly nodded.

"Well. They were evil...un"

Tobi gasped. "Wait. I thought they were poison."

"They're both."

Tobi gasped again.

"We can't have you, or anyone else looking at them ever again."

Tobi thought for a moment. "But…destroying that one computer won't really account for all the other people in the world who own computers and could see them."

Deidara stopped and looked to Itachi for help. "Well, Tobi," Itachi said. "It's a start."

"So…the internet is evil?" Tobi asked.

"No, just fandom. Fandom is evil."

"Then why did we have to destroy the computer?!"

"Uh…it's for your own good, Tobi!"

"But I don't understand!"

"You don't have to!" Deidara said. "Just trust us. Have we ever steered you wrong?...un"

"Well, there was that one time…"

"Never mind!" Itachi said. "The important thing is…I found out how the fan girls were getting my phone number."

"That's the important thing..?"

"IT WAS _YOUR _FAULT, DEIDARA!!"

"AAHHH!! I'M SORRY!!"

"I miss my computer…"


End file.
